The same themes seem to come up again and again for our friends, shendo (‘energy awareness’) practitioners and clients – perhaps due to the time of year or the energies of the stars . . . who knows. Whatever the cause, a recent theme has been that of finding, or being with, a ‘soul mate’ or ‘true love.’
Intimate relationships can be complicated at the best of times – which is presumably why some people end up writing a ‘check list’ for their ideal mate, then ‘ticking the boxes’ with every potential lover they meet.
Unfortunately, thinking about what works for you often doesn’t have much to do with your reality. The mind doesn’t do a great job of understanding the heart.
Still, when reduced to its most basic components, one could argue that it mostly comes down to a question of friendship and/or sex. “Do I want to be with you during the day and the night?” If the answer’s Yes! on both counts, you may think it’s a match made in heaven. Or at least a friend with benefits . . .
Weakening and Strengthening Relationships
Since personal or professional relationships are often a major theme in our energy-aware life-coaching work, let’s briefly look at what a relationship is in terms of your energy . . .
“We are getting on so much better since I’ve started the work with you. We’re having conversations like we used to have when we were first married. I’m so much less reactive. It’s wonderful.” AR., UK
It’s good to understand that there’s a certain physics or ‘energenics’ to relationships. Then you can see the importance of having the necessary energy to attract and enrich the kind of relationship you need – rather than one (or several) that brings you a lot of grief over time.
Every form of ongoing relationship between people reflects the presence of a vibration – or resonance – between their chakras. If such a resonance doesn’t exist, there’s no relationship (i.e. no energy holding them together). If a resonance is present, it can generate either a strengthening or a weakening relationship.
Weakening relationships – are resonances between two different chakras. They are inherently self and other-harming. Such relationships are often based on ‘resonant stress’ – an issue two people have in common.
Strengthening relationships – are resonances between the same chakras. They are life-supporting for both participants and also developmental.
Let’s say you like and fancy a guy – that’s your 4th chakra (like) and 2nd chakra (fancy) energies at work. But he, after the initial fling, only seems to want you as a friend – that’s his 4th chakra energy, (the 4th chakra generates energies for nurture, family relationships and friendships).
If your 2nd chakra and his 4th chakra, (two different chakras), then form a resonance, you could, before you know it, be trapped in a relationship where your lover is busy chasing all your friends! But, because of how you feel about each other (friendship and sexual attraction all muddled up) – due to the weakening resonance between you – you can’t bear to give each other up. So you spend years with a guy whose busy playing away half the time . . .
In a close relationship, resonances form between multiple chakras in you and the other person. To the degree they are same chakra resonances (1 to 1, 2 to 2, etc), their effects on you and your life are benign, even transformative. But when they are different chakra resonances, they aren’t – they keep you stuck in some ways.
A huge number of people become ill, depressed, or experience problems with their work, wealth or security as a direct consequence of the accumulating energenic damage caused by staying in their primary relationship.
Unfortunately, because we tend to be driven largely by our ‘karmic tendencies,’ (i.e. going with whatever we are drawn to or cling to), many intimate relationships include on-going weakening aspects that the participants find themselves unable to resolve – however hard they try.
Relationships of the Heart
As we mentioned earlier, one of the most enduring aspects of Western culture is that of dreaming of meeting your “true love” or “soul-mate” – someone out there who is the ‘perfect’ one for you.
Fortunately, after all this doom and gloom about weakening relationships, the good news is that, in sheer numbers at least, there are many people who are ‘perfect’ for you, right now. These are people with whom you are naturally able to form a heart resonance – a vibration, or resonance, between your heart chakras.
The reason a heart resonance is so special is that when it exists between you and your true love (if they really are resonant with your heart), you will both have the necessary energy to transform any stresses that appear in your relationship over time. When stuff comes up, you can transform it into new fortunes in ways that are impossible within a non-heart relationship – however close you may feel to that person.
Without the heart [chakra] resonance, stresses eventually emerge within any intimate relationship that are either ‘accommodated’ – so they remain sources of resentment, anxiety, irritation, contraction (low self-esteem), etc. – or they cause the relationship to eventually fall apart.
This is why it’s really worth holding out for a real heart relationship. But if filling in lists from a dating agency isn’t a likely solution, where do you begin?
Attraction Energy for a Heart Relationship
Obviously, a successful relationship is going to involve several forms of ki. For example:
- 2nd chakra ki – sexual energy
- 4th chakra ki – kindness, affection, nurture
- 5th chakra ki – communication
- 6th chakra ki – the ability to actually be in relationship with someone
But the most important ki of all is your heart chakra ki – not just because it empowers you to resolve issues that arise in the relationship such as different libidos or an occasional lack of kindness or communication, but because it will attract a heart relationship into your life. And hold it in your life even if you sometimes go through hard times.
“The immediate result of the newest exercise with the Loving Relationships Archangel is that I now find myself with a boyfriend!”
Manifesting a Heart Relationship
Paradoxically, if you really want a heart-centred, transformational relationship, the first ‘rule’ is, don’t try. The more you look for a heart relationship the more your own actions weaken your heart ki. Sure, you may end up with a relationship. And you may even end up in a heart relationship if your heart ki is naturally strong enough.
But, more often than not, people who seek a heart relationship obstruct their heart energy and so fail to attract one. It’s a bit like happiness – if you search for it, you’re less likely to find it. Instead, it shows up when you’re doing what you really need to do in your life . . .
Heart ki doesn’t respond well to strategies you think up – which is why making lists of what you want in a ‘perfect’ partner rarely leads to a heart relationship . . .
Instead, if you want to manifest a heart relationship, there’s one simple rule:
do what you need to do . . .
. . . move to that town, do that job, give up that job, go on that holiday, do those exercises, learn that skill, join that group . . . whatever it happens to be. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But what you need to do and what you want to do or think you should be doing aren’t necessarily the same thing . . .
Fortunately, your heart chakra always already knows what you need to be doing. In fact, your heart ki is constantly flowing towards (pointing you towards) everything you currently need to do. But unlike your mind, your heart doesn’t communicate through words (i.e. thoughts). And, more often than not, it doesn’t communicate through feelings either. So, unless you are extremely unusual, your awareness of what your heart knows will be very small, (i.e. your mind won’t really have much of a clue about what your heart is saying).
This is why, when we teach the energy awareness journey (‘Shendo’), we first use an awareness-enhancement method to help students become more sensitive to their ki. It’s just a beginning. But it’s one that most people find easy to practise until they get to the point of having a more direct sense of what their heart is constantly showing them but their mind is often too busy or noisy to hear.
The more you fulfill your real needs, (and avoid doing what you don’t need to do), the stronger your heart ki becomes. The stronger your heart ki becomes, the more you lose your attachments to what you want – which usually to leads to more karma-generating (i.e. challenging or problematic) relationships. And the more you attract whatever you need – which might just be a heart-resonant relationship – your ‘true love’ . . .
Then you’ll discover, in the fullness of time, that what your mind used to imagine you wanted from a sustained intimate relationship had very little to do with what really works for you . . .
But only when your heart ki becomes strong enough to cut through all those illusory thoughts and feelings can you see that what you need in someone is really what you always wanted but were too confused (by your mind) to see.
How Do I Awaken My Energy Awareness?
We aren’t, naturally, very energy-aware so we don’t usually see how our actions affect our ki. Consequently, we inevitably make choices – in our relationships, work, what we eat, where we go, etc. – that often lead to future illness, unhappiness, failure or fatigue (things not working out the way we hoped).
Becoming more aware of your life energy is the most effective way to see, with increasing clarity, what you need to do, (and avoid doing), in your day-to-day life and to cultivate your heart ki far more effectively.
The more you awaken your energy awareness, the more you will create the life you dream of having – not through any kind of magic or ‘intention,’ but simply because you can see (and so do) what you need to do to make the dreams of your heart come true.
To learn these powerful methods, join us at the next Awaken Your Energy Awareness training!
1 This is a simplified description of the energenics of heart relationships, but it serves to make the point that sufficient heart ki (which you can cultivate) is essential to forming a heart connection with another person.